Watching people die...

Today was the day we presented our circuits for the electronics subject...
Well... it wasn't much of a presentation but just explaining how our circuits worked to the lecturer...

Observations from this afternoon....
Most of the students were worried about the presentation...
Some of them were still fixing their circuits...
A few of them were already half dead...
Some of them never got their circuits working....

I got full marks for my circuit.... but i cant say the same for my report....
After the presentation.... some looked at me with envy... amazement... a little hatred... and some were kinda wishing i didn't exist?... just a feeling.... there was definitely hostility floating around in the class....

I'm sorry if i was making anyone feel pressured.... sorry if im really good at what im doing... forgive me but this is the only thing i can excel at.... the one thing i like and put all my heart into....
What should i do....

If i do really well... people hate me.... if i fail... i'd hate myself... so.... what to do....
Either way the outcome is still the same...
Wondering why should things be this way.....

Sometimes i look at the people around me... i can see dead people... people struggling to survive.... people who help others.... and all i can do is smile at them... nothing else...
its really stupid actually... standing there smiling at dying people... sounds like im evil?... i'd try to help... just not sure how to... its like everything i try to do turns out the wrong way....
really dont know why i even try at all....

Should i just do everything for myself and forget about others...? It'd be easier that way....
Should i forget about everything and leave this world behind?... Surely easier than living....

Sometimes i feel sorry for those who try so hard but achieve less than they deserved.... wish i could help...
I have the ability to understand just about anything... but not the ability to change everything....
It definately isnt easy when im standing in this battlefield full of dead people and im the only one alive... seeing people having their self confidence taken away... seeing them try so hard...

No matter what i do... i'd probably just see more and more people start to hate me...
I'm sure everyone else feels worser than me... and this post is definately just inconsiderate...
Hope everyone would feel better after a while... please don't hate me...